Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Random Tuesday: It's Magically Delicious

Hey all, this is Captain Dumbass from Us & Them. Confused, keep reading.*

(If you came over from my blog, I may have stretched the truth a little about the wrinkles and penis enlargement, but since you're here already...)

randomtuesday

This is my little sister's 100th post and she asked if I'd guest post for it. What could I say? She let me stay at her house this weekend and fed me while the Dumbass family was up visiting Dumbasistan. So, here's a Random Tuesday 100th post guest blog. Or, my sister's 99th post and my 846th since she didn't actually write it. Cheater.

Dear God, did I just use the words "little sister" and "penis enlargement" in the same sentence? No. There's a picture in the middle. And three periods. *move on, move on*

Cardboard cloud



How about a few "thank yous."


Thanks Miki, my darling niece, for stamping Liam with purple dots from what I can only imagine was a Sharpie. Those 200 purple dots are still there on his arms, legs, stomach and chest. They're not going anywhere either which is good since he's decided they are his little purple spider friends.

I'd really like to thank my children for making our trip back from my family's so enjoyable. Really, hearing you two draw out the word 'booooooooring' or asking 'are we home yet?' every kilometre of our nearly 400 kilometre trip was magical. Truly magical. Yes, honey, we're home. We live in a FUCKING FORREST!

And thank you Josh and Dakoda for teaching my sons 'stupid jokes.' These are jokes that aren't funny unless you're under 4 feet tall and don't make any sense whatsoever. Apparently a lot of them had something to do with a stapler because staplers are funny. Really funny. If you're six. Thanks.

Thanks, Liam, I've always thought my hair was zero too.



Thanks, Connor. Should I take it as a sign that you see daddy as a T.rex?



In the middle of writing this I got a call from Supreme Leader telling me she'd just emailed me a link. It was a quick call. There was mirth. The link turned out to be Grammar Girl: Quick & Dirty Tips. Guess she's getting tired of my constantly asking her where I need an apostrophe. A couple of weeks ago she actually stuck some post-it notes to the front of our computer with my usual offenses. I can already feel the teachers who read me shaking their heads. What can I say, I'm getting dumber. I am pleased to see that while 'alright' (which I use constantly) isn't technically a word, since language is constantly in flux, it is on its way to becoming real. *sticks tongue out*

Speaking of Post-it notes...



Heh heh.

Ok, you know the routine. Head to Keely's, grab a button.

*Still confused? Sucker!

36 comments:

Melanie D said...

Thanks big bro..you rock! as for the purple dots....sorry, but hey he wanted to be part of the club!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I like the post it at the end. I can see where a guy would need one of those.
Zero hair? Well. Hmm. Kids will be kids...
And I will say alright IS a word. I don't care what word or pages has to say about that.

And Happy 100 Posts Dumbass's Sister!

Kat said...

That ad is awesomely bad! I love it! You're a T-Rex? Awesome.

Happy 100th post to Sista Dumbass (not that you are a dumbass, but he is, so you get stuck with the moniker) Did I just use moniker in a comment? Why yes, yes I did.

Carolyn...Online said...

I bet the idea for the purple dots came from Dumbass's sister. You're not a Dumbass are you sister? I didn't think so.

Kristine said...

HA! He must think you're so cool you don't even NEED arms! So cute. (The kid, that is.)

DC Urban Dad said...

I cannot wait to see the search returns that get readers here.

Happy 100th.

Hit 40 said...

The purple spider dots reminded me of a story...

My son's real name is Matt. I don't want to have our real names on my blog. Anyway...

A child in his class said, "Matt Matt what is a Matt for. It is something that you walk on"

Matt said "Sam Sam what is a Sam for. It is something that you draw on"

He then took out his permanent marker and went to town on him!!! Yes - the little ass has anger issues. The parents never called to ask for the $$ for the clothing damage. We would have paid up.

Michele said...

Love the cardboard box cloud. So "thank you" from my geeky little heart.

Happy 100th Capt. DA's sister.

Eric said...

Okay the post it note on the girl should be offensive but it is FRICKIN HILARIOUS! LOL!

Thanks man
Hope u have a good day and hope you had a great Father's Day! (Even if you only have "zero" hair! LOL!)

BeautifulWreck said...

LMAO... you always write the funniest RTT.

The Panic Room said...

you know how to write a 100th post that's for sure. Always funny man. I don't know how you do it. You don't seem funny at all. The T-Rex isn't know for humor.

Jess said...

Ahhh beautiful!! Congrats to sis on the 100th post! YAY! And those Daddy Day gifts were HYSTERICAL!! Those are two for the laminating machine! LOVE IT!

Ivan Chan Studio said...

Dear Cpt. Dumbass,

You crack me up wherever you go! Zero hair and being a T. Rex made me shoot (soy) milk out of my nose this morning.

I.

Sprite's Keeper said...

This post was so random, I don't know where to begin, so I'll just end it here.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm glad I checked your post before I went to bed last night, Mel. It didn't post. Ha! Wouldn't that have been Random?

Meh.

surprised mom said...

Congratulations to Captain Dumbass's sister on her 100th post! Now I have a new site I can visit, so thanks Captain Dumbass for writing her post and providing a link.
As usual, Captain, you had me LMAO! Your family sounds as hysterical as mine. No wonder I like visiting your blog so much.

Mama Badger said...

I love the cardboard cloud. I need one.

One question: were the purple dots an improvement? I'm thinking if I dotted my LG, it would distract from the general grime. It's a thought.

Happy 100th to you all.

gigidiaz said...

Your hair is zero... LOL!! That's hilarious.
Kids are the best.

Happy RTT!
Congrats to little sister on hundredth post!

Employee No. 3699 said...

Congrats on the 100th post!

Captain, you zero haired T rex, are friggin' funny.

jerlyn said...

Just be thankful you didn't get
the purple dots...and excuse me
you all have tattoos, what did you expect?
Remember, you could have had little
girl dump fake ink stain on your
pants, as did her other Uncle.
The look on his face was priceless
as he stared down at his new white pants. Thank God it was fake and
came off.
Excellent guest post, but you seem
inordinately focused on penises.

Jenni said...

being a t-rex isn't all bad. look at matthew mcconaughey and his little arms. he does okay for himself, making the movies, procreating with super models..

Dana's Brain said...

The good part is you only weigh six pounds! Even if you do have zero hair.

Cool cardboard cloud and that last pic was a riot. Although I admit it took me a second to get it.

Happy 100, Mel!

Michel said...

nice job dude. Melanie - he's right. Your 100th post is tomorrow's.

Do you own work.

I don't make the rules - I'm just here to judge.

Kristen said...

Very funny! I love it. Tha father's day treats are the best! Seriously...zero.

Keely said...

So you live in a fucking magical forest? Alright, then.

Ms. Salti said...

Good job stepping in for your sis! Love the pics and I think you should take one of the "spider friends."

FoN said...

Hi sister Dumbass - I'll be back. That was quite the mountain of boxes....

lizspin said...

I used to love those little fill-in-the-blank sheets they would give my kids in preschool. Especially when my children would answer that I was 5 years old and weighed just 10 pounds. . .

otin said...

Captain Dumbass, I don't think that I have read your blog. I went to it tonight and you linked me over here, and I already follow your sister's blog! Sis one upped you! LOL!

Belle said...

Oh that's so lovely that you and your sister both blog.
P.S. You have such a long body. It must make it easier to swing your large penis over your shoulder no?

Mama Dawg said...

I like that you have hair on your little man.

Wait....you know what I mean.

♥ Braja said...

I'm still laughing at the photos underneath....

Wait...did I say that?

Kaylen said...

Congrats on the 100th post and congrats on getting someone so wonderful as the captain to write it! :)
I love the fathers day fill-in-the-blank card. Bonus all around on that Mario bit. Sometimes I look at men and think "Hair - zero" when adding up their points on whether they are date-able. It makes sense to me, though I'm not sure why your son knows about my system.
I suspect the human card doesn't have arms because so much paper went into making the rest of the body.
Alright is totally a word. If the southerners can get "ain't" classifed in the dictionary, we certainly deserve "alright!"

KMcJoseph said...

I couldn't think of anything special for my 100th post. I suck.

Casey said...

Dude, you're HUGE in that paper rendition of yourself. Also, how much is 400 kilometers? I don't speak Canadian.

Happy 100th to Sister Dumbass. That sounded mean to type but you know what I mean.

ModernMom said...

200 Purple dots...guess it could have been worse..they could have connected them!